Over at Sons of Steve Garvey, Orel relayed a story that started on the MLB message boards, got picked up by a Nationals blog called Federal Baseball, then by Big League Stew. And now I'm mentioning it. The gist of it is this: a Red Sox fan was heading down to D.C. for the Sox/Nationals series, and he asked Nationals fans if they could recommend a bar. They recommended a gay bar, the guy went there, everyone had a good laugh.
Except for me, of course, because I am the killjoy when it comes to homophobic content, no matter how vague it may be. Here's what I wrote in the comments section over at SoSG:
My first reaction was to laugh about this. But then the gay rights activist in me was like, "Okay, so he was sent to a gay bar. So what?" And the guy had to get out of there as fast as he could, I guess just in case he was raped or something. Those gay boys just can't keep it in their pants, am I right?
I guess my issue just lies in the idea that the worst possible punishment the Nats fans could think of for this guy would be to send him to a gay bar. And as long as this is the prevailing mindset, I'll continue to have an uphill battle.
I'm not trying to get totally up in arms about this because it's certainly not the most blatant example of anti-gay "jokes" I've seen, particularly since I spend my time reading a lot of sports blogs. Fanerman, another SoSG reader, responded with this:
...maybe it's just easy for me (a straight male) to say, but it doesn't seem that... bad.
The joke does play on homophobia (and the guy seemed to have some), and that mindset does indicate the uphill battle. But, to me, it doesn't feel much more than the kind of politically incorrect practical joke that guys do to each other. As far as how bad the punishment is, how many kinds of bars are there?
Yes, we could get into the whole "oh, everything has to be so PC now that no one can make a joke argument," but I don't know if I have the energy for that right now. The bottom line for me is that the mindset is the problem, and as long as it's considered even borderline acceptable for jokes of this type to be made at the expense of gay people, we have a problem.
Any sort of event that furthers the attitude that it's okay to make fun of gay people, however innocuous the joke may be, is grounds for complaint from the gay side of things. The idea is to change people's minds, and to make them see that we are the same as everyone else, and only want equal rights. Now, you might say, "okay, if you're the same as everyone else, then we should be able to make jokes about you." But the thing is, a lot of people aren't joking. A lot of people see the "gay rights movement" as a call to arms, a reason for them to stockpile weapons and spew hate whenever they get the chance. And if we continue to further this notion that "gay" equals "stupid" or "wrong," we simply lend credence to the idea that gay people are somehow less than human, and therefore not as deserving of the same rights the rest of you get.
Steve Sax of SoSG wrote me and had this to say:
[Maybe they were] just sending him someplace they figured wasn't consistent with what the BoSox fan expected (whether they knew for a fact or assumed). It's like Victoria Beckham rolling into town and asking for a furniture store and sending her to Ikea.
That is definitely a fair point. But when you actually go to read the message board (which you can find here), there is one post that jumps out at me. After the man came back from his gay bar adventure, and posted a comment thanking the fans for directing him there, one fan had this to say:
The original poster wanted to know of a good bar near the park, I just recommend [sic] the place where I thought a Red Sox fan would feel most comfortable.
Since it's clear the Nationals fans had a problem with the Sox fan asking for some advice about their city (their absurd reaction is an entirely different post that I won't bother with), you can almost create a syllogism out of this thing:
All Red Sox fans are stupid and awful for invading our ballpark to cheer for their team.
Gay people are stupid and awful.
All Red Sox fans are gay, and would therefore feel "most comfortable" in a gay bar.
Does that make it more obvious why this would bother someone like me? Hey, I'm not innocent, believe me. I have called someone who offended me a "fag" (though not to his/her face, ever) on more than one occasion, and I can't promise I won't do it again. So I'm part of the problem, for sure. But I'm working on it, which is more than I can say for most everyone else who makes these kind of jokes. This country is almost completely desensitized to the use of "gay" as a pejorative, and that doesn't make the fight for equal rights any easier.
I felt like I had already written about this, and it turns out I was right, as this post (the important part is after the baseball stuff, halfway into the post) from this time last year ago attests. And damned if that post isn't much, much better than this one.
7 comments:
I don't feel you overreacted in any way. It is the comments and jokes like that that make a seperation between homosexuals and heterosexuals. Making people aware of there comments and how they use slang against another can help them to change how they speak to or treat others. Goes back to the golden rule of treat others how you would want to be treated.
I wouldn't have posted the item if I thought it was maliciously homophobic, but I appreciate your position. I hate hearing "Hey, lighten up!" as if my buttons should be the same as someone else's. The best thing to come out of this are these conversations, and to that end I've added a link to this post in our original one.
Out of curiosity, what is your take on the upcoming movie Brüno?
I think you may be overreacting a bit, but it does not offend me. I think people make jokes about things. I think it is pretty common for people to make jokes about masculinity by applying homosexual connotations to someone. I don't think that will change, regardless of many things. Cultural subsets, regardless of their level of homogenization within the culture or the effectiveness of their level of representation, will be comparison points for jokes. Jokes are still made about blacks, hispanics, asians, short people, poor people, rednecks, jews, and jocks. I hate that you got your feelings hurt, and I hate that you feel abused, but I have provided the only legitimate advise you will get to change that before.
On a parallel note, I need to ask a question. On Wednesday night during our softball game I was standing on third with two outs and the game on the line. The force is on at third. I am lame on my left foot so sliding is out of the question (A runner slid over my ankle in an attempt to break up a double play at second). A chopping grounder is hit to the third basemen and it is a footrace to the bag. I get there first, but the 5'6" 320 pound mechanic playing third can't stop and he tackles me off the bag and drives me into the ground. With my face driven into the sand but my sense of humor intact, I asked the fella, "Hey, buddy, nibble on my neck before you climb aboard next time." Am I a bad person? On the back of my jersey, it says, "Cunning Linguist" where my name should be and my number is 69. Is that funny or overly insensitive? Before I go up to the plate, I give the wink and the gun to the girlfriends and wives of my teammates and leeringly say, "Best looking Bleacher Bitches in Bloomington," and then I growl in a suggestive manner. Am I offensively sexist or roguishly charming? Have you seen the episode of Family Guy when the censors follow Peter around because of his sideboob show on his TV station? I just need to know where the line is so I can know when I step over it. I don't want people to lose their sense of humor, but I also want people to be careful about where they pick their battles. If you get real sensitive over something, you are just opening a weakness in the armor a little wider. As a geek living in a jock world, it is more effective to shoot back as it is to jump up and down in anger.
Orel, I definitely didn't think you guys were out of line for posting it. I never thought you were being homophobic, but thanks for adding the link to my post.
Bruce, you could be right. I don't know. I mean, there's a line somewhere, but I don't know what it is, and I doubt it's for me to determine. I don't want to be the person who says, "Sorry, boys. No jokes allowed because someone somewhere might get offended." But I also hate people who say that "political correctness" is for sissies. People hide behind the "I'm just not into being PC" excuse just so they can be assholes.
So, I don't know what the answer is. I would probably laugh at all the examples you gave in your comment, so that does that make me a bad person? I just feel like, particularly with the gay marriage debate, we're being inundated with reasons for hating gays. And we need as many people on our side as we can get.
So maybe the jokes need to wait until after equal rights are established. If you're equating gay with stupid, but I'm still allowed to get married and live freely in this country, then I guess I don't really give a rat's ass what you say. But as long as there are kids killing themselves because students in school call them "fags," it's hard to think it unreasonable to try to attempt to draw a line somewhere.
And of course that's an extreme example (though there have been quite a few cases), but it's just something that seems to be a byproduct of a culture that allows for blatant discrimination of one group of people.
Oh, and as for Bruno, I can't wait. I loved Borat and I think this one will be the same sort of movie that holds a mirror up to society. On the one hand, yes, many people will laugh at the character because he's extremely effeminate and over the top. And there are jokes that rely entirely on that reaction and nothing else. But, much like Borat, the Bruno character seems to be about making people see how ridiculous their positions are on certain subjects. One of the best parts of Borat is when he went to the rodeo and told the people there that Kazakhstan supported America in its "war of terror." The whole movie was sort of a way of looking at America as the rest of the world often sees us, along with some poop jokes.
And the fact that Cohen, as Bruno, went to a "yes on 8" rally after the election last year (a scene I really, really hope made it to the movie) makes me believe that this movie will be something similar, in that it will say, "okay, here's a ridiculously flamboyant gay man, but is he really any more ridiculous than those who are against him?"
I hope that's the case anyway. Even though a lot of people will see it to make fun of the gay guy, they'll also be laughing at the absurdity of the other people, so maybe there will be a lesson learned, however subliminally.
Or maybe there will just be more poop jokes. Guess we'll find out soon enough.
I should add that you're a lot more tolerant than most Steve Perry fans.
I should clarify. I was on SECOND with two outs and the force on at third. I was taking third on the grounder.
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